Paths

This has been on my heart since Sunday, and I feel so compelled to share it this morning, despite the fact I have a zillion things to do (sorry work, sorry cleaning).

Last Sunday I went to Church, arriving early to drop off some Step & Fetch materials to the pastor and found myself feeling very at odds. I didn't feel like sitting down yet, I felt unsettled and found myself drawn to the outdoors. So, out I sent, strolled across the parking lot and saw a walking path I didn't know existed. Afterwards I learned it is a popular walking area. I crossed through some brush and the first thing I encountered was the train tracks.

My first instinct was to sit down on the tracks, right on the wooden beams at the crossing, and stare down the tracks towards an imaginary oncoming train. I was contemplating how my cancer compared to an unseen but oncoming sometime train. Fortunately at that moment someone came along on their own walk and since I did not want to look like a suicide attempt I strolled past the tracks, said good morning and moved on. How good it was that simple single interruption occurred (God does work in such simple ways at times).

What I saw next changed a lot of what I had been thinking. The past weeks of tests, appointments and decisions had me very focused on my cancer. And focused on the train that I know is out there but I still can't see. But God simply turned my eyes away from that and showed me a path. And as I stepped out on that path, it quickly split into many paths. Choices. One path went hard right, one went hard left and one in middle dipped down into a darker tree covered area. Many paths, all for me to pick from. And I don't think any of them were bad, just different. Ah hah moment!

I choose the dark tree covered path to explore. Explore is a good word because I was not sure that was the path I wanted but I was curious if it led to the water. What I encountered surprised me - at the end someone was living there - a home of sorts was set up, a fairly looking tent type home. I weighed my curiosity vs. respect for this persons space and did not further inspect, but instead walked to the side to the waters edge to view the shore for a moment.

Then I went back the path I had came. Ah hah! The path I choose I did not have to stay on, I was just exploring that path and I could go back and try another. Perhaps this was my lesson in my oncoming train - it was okay that I had explored that path for a few days, but it did not take me to a place I belonged - and I had the option to go back and try another path. Oh, God is good. Many paths, all for me to explore and choose.

As I walked back to church I noticed some areas were wide open, meadows with lots of space and room. Some were narrow and well trodden by many. Some like the one I explored dipped down and was dark for a while. Many paths, all different.

The last thing I noticed was that at times there were other people on the paths. Some I nodded to (I am sure the owner of the tent home passed me and he gave me the most respectful silent nod of his head) and others I stopped to chat with. We are not on our paths alone.

Many lessons learned walking the path that morning. It set my heart at ease, I am feeling both peace and freedom.

I took some pictures of the paths, as I wanted to remember how I felt and what I thought, which I will share here with you too.

God Bless,
Teresa