Fierce Grace - Living Life & Sarcoma Cancer: July 2014

Comments to blog posts are amazing, I am so grateful when people take the time to write their thoughts and share with all of us. And for me, it's like getting a hug from you. I wanted to share a particular comment posted by Mary on my last blog because in it she has given me an answer to a question I was afraid to ask.

Mary wrote: "There might be many lessons here. I like to be okay with whatever reality is mine. If there ever comes a time when all I can be is empty, that will be enough for me. My husband will remind me that I have lived a full life, that I have loved deeply every moment I could. My loved ones will embrace me in whatever shape they find me, knowing how I lived and loved them when I had the power to do so. And this is okay with me. We all have limitations. Some of us will go out like firecrackers, some like the puff of smoke lingering after the candle goes out. The challenge is to be okay with your course, because there are some things none of us can control."

What she addressed is the root of what I was afraid of and her reply has brought me a lot of comfort. "Be okay with whatever reality is mine. My loved ones will embrace me in whatever shape they find me, knowing how I lived and loved them when I had the power to do so." I have imprinted these words on my heart and feel they will carry me through any time ahead when I feared I would not be all I want to be. Perhaps I forgot how powerful memories will be, that we don't have to maintain all the time. There are times to time to rest and let go. And maybe even enjoy that part of the ride; like when you paddle the boat hard and then lift the oar and coast, enjoying the view of where you have arrived to.

taken on 2012 Qwyhee River "Survive & Thrive" expedition

I am in the hospital today on day 2 of chemo infusion. I pulled out my journal from the Owyhee expedition and re-read it. And here I must note that Mikey and Bonnie Lang are an amazing young couple who host young adult cancer survivors to these expeditions and I encourage any YA cancer survivor to consider taking a trip with them, see their facebook page Survive & Thrive Expeditions.

Back to the journal entry - this was from day 3 on the river. It feels like a poem, so that is the format I will write it in, but let me assure you it does not look this pretty in my journal :)

I am like the river

strong, determined to find a path,

but to do so I must be fluid,

twisting and turning, sometimes seeking the narrow spot.

Knowing when to give in and go around the rocks,

loud at times, pushing hard like the rapids,

quiet at times, calm, settled, seaming to rest,

and for the most part, gently flowing,

but always forward.

~Teresa Bell, June 16, 2012

As you can tell, the river trips have greatly impacted my life; Kayaking the Owhyee river in 2012 with Mike and river rafting the mighty Colorado through the Grand Canyon with Kaitlyn in 2013. Here are some of my favourite pics.

Our raft in the rough rapids of the Grand Canyon - Kinda' like life - terrifying at the time but really exhilarating when you come through the other side.