There was a time in my cancer journey that I still remember well. It was the day I first faced my fears head on. I visualize a lot, it's how I think and process. I sat on my porch early one morning and mentally opened the door of what at that time was my greatest fear. I had never been able to speak it, out loud or in my head. But that morning I opened the door named "fear" to see what was hidden behind and I looked at it, with eyes wide open. I looked at it, acknowledged it. I see you, my great fear. I know you now. There it was - "I was afraid of dying too soon". And once I faced the monster it didn't have the same hold over me. Next I thought a lot about why "dying too soon" made me sad. Does the world need me? Well to be honest the answer is no. I would be missed but the world would continue. I realized it makes me sad because of all I will miss. Life here is so rich, so full of amazing moments and events, feelings, experiences, sights, occasions and I don't want to miss. I don't want to miss a thing. This realization causes one to live with a different attitude. Seize the moments. Don't pass up, walk by, overlook. Appreciate. Acknowledge. Love without holding back. I'm thinking of all this now because something happened last week I didn't know if I would get to experience. At 45 years young, I know the joy of having a grandchild. When I accepted that there was no cure for my cancer one of the things I most feared I would miss was knowing my grandchild. And here she is, in my arms, in my life, little miss Holly Grace! It's like God reached down into the sands of time, swirled his hand in the future and poured a handful of future right into my life now. Oh, how my God blesses me!
